Tag: relationships

Good morning world,

I’m just waking up this morning. So quick story, I don’t want to be successful subconsciously. I’ll explain. So I started trading stocks/forex about 4 years ago. At this point I know exactly what I’m doing and pretty accurate about how the market moves, but I keep fucking up because I can’t control my emotions. It really is a sickness.

So I’ve planned out these next 2 weeks trading to a T. And surprise surprise, the market is doing exactly what I anticipated. But guess who didn’t take the plays and actually took a couple plays in the opposite direction. You guessed it, this guy. I’m so frustrated with myself at this point. I also am just coming to the realization that my current girlfriend is a perfect mirror of who I really am. A bad person that thinks they’re good. I make excuses for a lot of things and write off a lot of what I do to depression and not a lot of shit gets done. I’ve also told my parents for the better part of two years I get trading, and I’ll change their lives and nothing has changed. The boy who cried wolf. WOW. I’m not shit either. I mean I knew that but when you really dig, shits ugly as fuck. We’re working on it though. So I’m up at 6 a.m. trying to find something, anything to rearrange the current trajectory of my life.

I honestly don’t know what to do. I have to psychologically win this war. My life and my soul depends on it. I just have to keep looking for ways to mentally win. Maybe a reward system that diminishes over time. Or it could stay the same if it’s working. You don’t always get things for doing what you’re supposed to do but I can always give myself something. Even if it’s only words. Idk. I’ll make that my priority today.

I need to lose this girlfriend too. I made a promise that I would try my best with her for 45 days, but honestly, this shit is exhausting dealing with someone that clearly doesn’t want you. I guess it’s partially karma. Enough about her though.

So today I think I’m going to do a home workout, (cardio day is Wednesday/Saturday, so I’ll most likely just get on the treadmill). I’ll stretch and hop on the computer. Track the market a bit, smoke and journal. Then dive into the book again, this time taking notes and applying it personally to my life. I’ll break it up into sections of 30. Then I need to see if the market has any offerings for me today and in the afternoon, I’ll try and do something with my momma and relax. I need to eat better too. I’m slick skinny fat. I have a gut that I’ve been sucking in for years. Doesn’t everyone though? No? Just me? Ok.

Wish me luck on a productive day! And to my wife, I miss you and I’m sorry I’m taking so long, but it’ll be worth it I promise.

Oh and the 45 days with cruella ends march 4.

Xoxo

Pretty straightforward. So this year I’ve talked to 3 women. The first was a very sweet childhood friend of mine. Shes kind, caring and thoughtful. Incredibly beautiful and on paper, should be everything that I want in a woman. It just doesn’t click for us, and I guess that’s my fault. She ended up cutting me off (deservedly so) after years of stringing her along. That led me to do a deep pussyless dive into how i was treating women and how, at my big age, I’m too old to not have my shit together. So we ended up going our separate ways.

Contestant #2 for 2024 was a career minded very successful woman. She made more money than me, but it didn’t bother me because I could still pay for everything we wanted to do and did comfortably. She wanted to take roots in Atlanta, and I wanted to travel the world and wander for a bit. We had been talking off and on over the course of a couple years but nothing serious till the summertime. That summertime love. Maybe it’s the heat, or the sun, but I always find some form of love when the sun is out. We went on a couple of dates, got a high-rise hotel for a weekend, that was very dope. Cooked for each other as well. Me a basic breakfast (eggs, potatoes, fruit bowl). She ended up cooking a wonderful salmon meal. Thats another thing that’s on my list this year, leveling up my cooking. I need to be in somebody’s class or something. But yeah. Sex was amazing. Lots of impromptu things and I really enjoyed picking her brain. Extremely intelligent as well. We ended up not working because she knew I was leaving and pulled an ultimatum. Fuck. I really did care for her too, but I guess it was for the best because that’s the only way we would both get what we want.

I’ll be right back, I have to get a pillow for my bad ass back (another days story).

ok. Im back.

Contestant #3. (current situation) So there I was minding my business in late October. On a hike and I met a girl. She is a veteran like me. We joke and laugh and click immediately. I’m happy, temporarily. Well it’s kinda my fault. I’ll explain. When I first met her I ended up getting her information a week later. Anyways, she ended up going out on 2 dates with me in the same week, which is pretty rare for me. I haven’t done that in years, literally. So anyways, we go on the dates, things go well, a little too well because I’m telling her I love her like a week later, and she’s saying it to. and as I’m typing this I’m realizing that I’m indeed love bombing myself. So anyways, I start going over her place. At first for a day. After that for days, very week. Not only that but we’re talking about getting married, and matching tattoos. LMAO, the shame as I’m typing this. SO now we’re fighting. Like all the fucking time. Like I’m back in high school frustration. For what, not a damn thing. So I tried to break up a couple times and it hasn’t worked yet because I’m weird about wanting to leave but not before i get tired of lusting after them. Shit’s hella uncool and weird. I’m going to address that internally immediately. I been correcting all these grammatical errors like small i’s like a lil dweeb. back to the story. so then i get my hands on this book, called The way of the Superior man by David dieda. Life changing stuff. So basically now im in a win win situation. If i do all these things for this woman and she plays me or im not happy, its great practice for my wife to be, wherever she is. If not and SHE is my wife, then i’ll have great patience and be able to take on anything. So i consider it a win win.

I’m actually really enjoying getting my thoughts out like this. I think this is going to become a regular thing for me, even if it isnt much. Like Julie Julia. She ended up having a whole movie written about her. (theyy aint fenna write a story about you nigga).

Life is looking up. I just have to consistently stay out my way. This will be a big time in my life if I do it right, God willing. See you at the top!

Lee – Full Album Lofi Type Beat is what I’m listening to while I’m typing this. Catch a vibe