Tag: mental-health

01/07/26

Today was a good day. I went up the mountain for exercise and my body responded very well. I didn’t struggle much at all, despite my pace and I even jogged like 75% of the way down. God is the greatest. I haven’t felt this good in ages. I still need to work on the eating but lets compound this.

I didn’t trade today. I could have had a position at 8 this morning but I was sleep. I need to plan around 2:00 am and 6:00 am times. so I can get a jump on moves that happen during those sessions (London, New York). I feel good and I will hit 20k in 2 weeks between trading an topstep,. I can feel the clarity and confidence growing. Hopefully the market looks good for puts in the morning its looks amazing right now. just need a fakeout and a breakdown. shooting from zone to zone. when I go up 50% slide SL to 10%, when I hit 100% I can do 50% if its room to run. After 150% trail by 30% (profit only not total), and then manage. I want to get a nice clean trade tomorrow.

Everything else is looking up too. I read 2 chapters of ” All about love” by bell hooks. Great read.

I also had a difficult conversation with a woman I really liked. We have good chemistry but im leaving again and she didn’t want to open up because of that. Completely understandable. I think we could have really hit it off but I can’t get back off track. This is my vision quest and I want to see it through for once. Life will give me what I need when I most need it. I will keep my head down and keep working until then.

I love you. and good job for 3 days in a row

What a year. as I type this my heart is beating hard as shit. So I got 100% disability. And I got to travel the world. had hella fun but im still stagnant. trading is much better, but im still not profitable. I got to have hella new experiences since I last wrote here….

It’s amazing what a year will do. New loves, new confidence. New friends as well. Life is actually pretty good at this point. No major issues. Been paying O on time (400$ monthly). So all in all im pretty solid. but im still fucking up with myself and trading. Why I don’t know. I’m hella intelligent. God made me special. I just need to be calm and smooth. Life isn’t coming any faster if I rush it. Journal daily. Workout daily. Don’t succumb to sweets at its beck and call. Smoke less, and fuck less than that. Have worship daily. Real worship not like that bullshit you be doing. Give god your undivided attention for 10 minutes. Just start with that, don’t say no bullshit like 30 minutes. you don’t even have the threshold for that. 10 minutes. With the God of the universe. The One that built everything and keeps it running. The One that puts breath in your body. the one that can flick a tsunami. The One that knows how many hairs are on your head. I apologize for my sins Lord. I know I need to do better im struggling. please help me.

I have big plans for this upcoming year. one of them is getting back in my writing back. im too inconsistent with too many things that are good for me and too consistent giving and doing bullshit.Tighten UP!!!!!!

I wanna fall in love. I wanna have a dope life and maybe some kids. It’s time for the late bloomer to bloom. That will probably be my next tattoo. and half blooming flower. I wanna do my hand but im not there yet. thats my 50k reward. I want it. let do it :).

I hope you’re doing much better by the time you read this again. should be tomorrow fuck nigga, lmao.

I love you.